Poetry Post

3 Steparoni

day by day
step by step
constantly drowning
in troublesome regrets
the worst days of your life
the ones you'll never forget
re-live them every hour
every minute, every second
day by day
step by step
learning to live with hefty regrets

i enjoy the repetition but the spacing is not what i want it to be. i want it to be taller and thinner, more dramatic pauses to get the point across. nah mean? some words have to be spiced up as well

day by day
step by step
constant suffocation
in troublesome regrets
the worst days
in your life
the ones you will
never forget
re-live them every hour
every minute, every second
day by day
step by step
learning to live with hefty regrets
depressed day by day nonetheless

it needs some work i believe. what work im not too sure but something, the last line added kinda hooked it up a little bit but it was the hook line and sinker ya boy was looking for. suffocating is a bit worse than drowning i would imagine. 

day by day
step by step
constant suffocation
in troublesome regrets
the worst days
in your life
the ones you will
never forget
re-living them every hour
every minute, every second
day by day
step by step
learning to live,
with hefty regrets
depressed
day by day
nonetheless
taking it in
step by step

that last bit of repetition was what i felt this needed. and breaking down the last two lines did something nice as well. and i changed lived from living to express the presence of the feeling that everyone has in them somewhere.

FORM BASED
Rime Royal
1 stanza, 7 10 syllable lines

Waking up in a world of solitude
sleeping away endless nights of sorrow
constantly avoiding the worthless feuds
the happiness of others borrowed
without pride, this pill is simply swallowed
in this dark world I am slowly fading
lifeless in water, no longer wading.